today...

today is monday jan. 8th 2007.
i think it is getting colder here. there are a few material items i dream of..
1. my long dance legwarmers
2. my dance arm shrug
3. polar fleece jacket
4. mitlettes
5.sonicare toothbrush
6.my book collection
7.gummy hearts
i will be giving a small performance in two weeks at a local resturant with a few other dancers. then i will be teaching my first workshop.
i really don't enjoy being the center of attention. dancing as a soloist makes me want to ralph. i wish i had my 50lbs suitcase full of make up and tricks. but all i have is a stick of coal, some old crusty mascara, and Pushkar market to shop for my costume. what will i do without my comforts? without my troupe mates?
bellydance polotics is getting thick here, almost as thick as in the states. the conversations make me want to puncture my ear drums. the cattiness is lurking under layers of salwar kameze...can it be contained?

i took a ride on a motorbike the other night with my guesthouse boyfriend. he's always telling me about the hills at night and how beautiful it is. so he invites me along and i accept. he then spends a few minutes on his cellphone and we leave. some how "riding through the hills at night" turned into "zig-zagging through town at night" i felt like i was on display. i wonder if he called all his friends and was like "hey bet you five ruppees i got a blonde on my bike".
i was a little annoyed at first, but really it was funny. life is just funny to me, especially life here in india.
so what do i care if pushkar thinks i'm hooking up with my guesthouse guy? if they think that then maybe they'll leave me alone.
solitude is something that is no longer part of my life. i have to work hard to be alone, well there are now over a billion people in india, so i guess i can't complaine.