Friday, March 16, 2007
jiggity-jig
home again, home again, jiggity jig.
as the plane landed i felt like i was waking up from an unsetteling sleep. i was suddenly back "home". i felt like i've never left. people suprise me when they are suprised to be seeing me.
it never happened, it was a dream.
i danced while looking in a mirror last night, it was an interesting change. not good, not bad, but riding the fine line of both. i try to talk about my trip, but really it's not a thing to talk about. if you have been following my blogs you were there with me. what more to say. how to sum up a 6month in a few words.
words like crazy and dream, i start to yawn with how many times i've spoken them.
one of the good things with coming home is the act of dis-spelling nightmares. knowing where i stand.
the house is being sold. soy's beautiful home that feels like my beautiful home. i wasn't prepaired to fly home and "stage" the house, or basically throw all my stuff in storage. but it is what it is and i am over it. a new place, a new adventure. things always change for the best.
i am jobless, and unafraid. unafraid till the bills begin to roll in.
i've had several publications while i was gone. 2 magazines, one cd, 2 dvd's, a poster. not to be an egoist but i love getting published!
i've gotten the love of my life curled next to me again. his white puff of hair extra fluffy from his morning shower.
so much and so little. i am still me.
as the plane landed i felt like i was waking up from an unsetteling sleep. i was suddenly back "home". i felt like i've never left. people suprise me when they are suprised to be seeing me.
it never happened, it was a dream.
i danced while looking in a mirror last night, it was an interesting change. not good, not bad, but riding the fine line of both. i try to talk about my trip, but really it's not a thing to talk about. if you have been following my blogs you were there with me. what more to say. how to sum up a 6month in a few words.
words like crazy and dream, i start to yawn with how many times i've spoken them.
one of the good things with coming home is the act of dis-spelling nightmares. knowing where i stand.
the house is being sold. soy's beautiful home that feels like my beautiful home. i wasn't prepaired to fly home and "stage" the house, or basically throw all my stuff in storage. but it is what it is and i am over it. a new place, a new adventure. things always change for the best.
i am jobless, and unafraid. unafraid till the bills begin to roll in.
i've had several publications while i was gone. 2 magazines, one cd, 2 dvd's, a poster. not to be an egoist but i love getting published!
i've gotten the love of my life curled next to me again. his white puff of hair extra fluffy from his morning shower.
so much and so little. i am still me.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
holy holy
today was the indian holiday holy. no one was really able to tell me why this was a holiday, or its signifigance in the indian religion, but they said it was not to be missed. holy, for those of you that don't know, is a color festival and on this day if you are out of your room you are fair game.
color festival, the ENTIRE town shuts down, men with roving carts sell brightly colored powder for everyone to throw at everyone else. a painter would be please with the pallet ranging in colors from deep eggplant purple to a sunshine yellow. there are also fouler things used like motor oil, but yuck we won't get into that.
i've heard so many horror stories about this festival, just as i heard so many horror stories about traveling in india, and had made up my mind to hide out.
well long story short that didn't happen. i was drawn to the music, to the party. i stuck to the ghats where i thought it would be safe, nope. i was set on by a group of men and the first handful of color was splatted onto my breast as the man caught a quick grab. i yelled at him for it but he took off, his friends, being much nicer, patted a little more color onto my face. this turned me away from the main action, but i really felt a cat an mouse attraction to the middle of town where the whole thing was going on. should i shouldn't i? i mean i didn't want to put myself out there to get molested, but how often are you in india for Holy?
so a dancer friend and i skirted around the perimeter and made a mad dash for a roof top resturant, we caught a little color on the way up but we ran and found saftey four stories up. we hung out and hovered, getting more and more excited as we watched the chaos below. we were already a little dirty, so what was a little more? after about 30 mins we finally took the plunge into the maddness
.
mostly it was men. men dancing to some crappy trance and some killer bollywood, literally tearing the shirts off of all the men still wearing them and throwing them up to hang on a wire. people threw color by the bag full, sometimes the air was so thick with dust i wondered if it was some toxic gas setteling down to kill us. there was also liquid color squrted from water bottles and poured out of buckets onto unsuspecting heads.
my second face full of color was administered by a young indian man. he put his hands into the brightly colored sewer water and rubbed it all over my face. nice. if i didn't have a parasite yet i do now.
the rest is a blur of hands an color.
pushkar, being so small, is a relativly safe place for me to be for holy. a lot of the boys new us, and were respectful to us as part of the community, and we had one older man as a protector. so when they guys were getting a little too crazy towards us our protector hari would yell at them. not to say i wasn't groped a few other times or man handeled a bit, but it really wasn't too bad. is that silly to say? the bit of grabbing that went on wasn't too bad....but really they guys were quick to back off, and if they didn't other guys would step in and push them off.
my worst injury happened early on. our protector, hari, had a 50kg bag of color he opened for us to throw. i had two handfulls and tossed a little on my friend tera's head, she got a little crazy and with a full handful of color hit me point blank in the left eye. i had no time at all to close it and i went blind. i couldn't wipe it out with my hands or parts of my clothes because they were already full of colored powder. she screamed as soon as she did it and went running to grab me something clean to wipe my eye out with. but strangers to the rescue, i was pushed along a line of helpful hands to the water spicket and some kids helped me clean out my eye.
after that i was full on dirty and danced the day away.
the main square looked like a war zone.
i can't remeber the last time i had so much fun.
later i took a long shower and scrubbed scrubbed scrubbed. my clothes are ruined, my dreads, even though wrapped, are colored pink and blue, and my face and hands are tinted like a barbie house. i scrubbed so much that my face feels like i have a bad sun burn, putting lotion on it makes it sting.
i have been reassured that the color in the hair will last for months but the skin will only take 3 or 4 days to get back to normal. or maybe i should just turn it brown because i'd look so much better.
color festival, the ENTIRE town shuts down, men with roving carts sell brightly colored powder for everyone to throw at everyone else. a painter would be please with the pallet ranging in colors from deep eggplant purple to a sunshine yellow. there are also fouler things used like motor oil, but yuck we won't get into that.
i've heard so many horror stories about this festival, just as i heard so many horror stories about traveling in india, and had made up my mind to hide out.
well long story short that didn't happen. i was drawn to the music, to the party. i stuck to the ghats where i thought it would be safe, nope. i was set on by a group of men and the first handful of color was splatted onto my breast as the man caught a quick grab. i yelled at him for it but he took off, his friends, being much nicer, patted a little more color onto my face. this turned me away from the main action, but i really felt a cat an mouse attraction to the middle of town where the whole thing was going on. should i shouldn't i? i mean i didn't want to put myself out there to get molested, but how often are you in india for Holy?
so a dancer friend and i skirted around the perimeter and made a mad dash for a roof top resturant, we caught a little color on the way up but we ran and found saftey four stories up. we hung out and hovered, getting more and more excited as we watched the chaos below. we were already a little dirty, so what was a little more? after about 30 mins we finally took the plunge into the maddness
.
mostly it was men. men dancing to some crappy trance and some killer bollywood, literally tearing the shirts off of all the men still wearing them and throwing them up to hang on a wire. people threw color by the bag full, sometimes the air was so thick with dust i wondered if it was some toxic gas setteling down to kill us. there was also liquid color squrted from water bottles and poured out of buckets onto unsuspecting heads.
my second face full of color was administered by a young indian man. he put his hands into the brightly colored sewer water and rubbed it all over my face. nice. if i didn't have a parasite yet i do now.
the rest is a blur of hands an color.
pushkar, being so small, is a relativly safe place for me to be for holy. a lot of the boys new us, and were respectful to us as part of the community, and we had one older man as a protector. so when they guys were getting a little too crazy towards us our protector hari would yell at them. not to say i wasn't groped a few other times or man handeled a bit, but it really wasn't too bad. is that silly to say? the bit of grabbing that went on wasn't too bad....but really they guys were quick to back off, and if they didn't other guys would step in and push them off.
my worst injury happened early on. our protector, hari, had a 50kg bag of color he opened for us to throw. i had two handfulls and tossed a little on my friend tera's head, she got a little crazy and with a full handful of color hit me point blank in the left eye. i had no time at all to close it and i went blind. i couldn't wipe it out with my hands or parts of my clothes because they were already full of colored powder. she screamed as soon as she did it and went running to grab me something clean to wipe my eye out with. but strangers to the rescue, i was pushed along a line of helpful hands to the water spicket and some kids helped me clean out my eye.
after that i was full on dirty and danced the day away.
the main square looked like a war zone.
i can't remeber the last time i had so much fun.
later i took a long shower and scrubbed scrubbed scrubbed. my clothes are ruined, my dreads, even though wrapped, are colored pink and blue, and my face and hands are tinted like a barbie house. i scrubbed so much that my face feels like i have a bad sun burn, putting lotion on it makes it sting.
i have been reassured that the color in the hair will last for months but the skin will only take 3 or 4 days to get back to normal. or maybe i should just turn it brown because i'd look so much better.
Friday, March 02, 2007
morning
Thursday, March 01, 2007
morning
this morning, like all mornings, i found myself curled in a ball trying to untangle myself from sleep. it seemed to be a losing battle. i reached up with what little strength i had and switched on the light.
a few minutes later there was a light knock on my door. i thought myself deluded and ignored it. another minute the knock persisted. i moved like a pre historic monster escaping the tar pits and opened the door. one of my guest house boyfriends was standing there with a tray of chai, one glass for me.
these are the things i will miss.
morning
this morning, like all mornings, i found myself curled in a ball trying to untangle myself from sleep. it seemed to be a losing battle. i reached up with what little strength i had and switched on the light.
a few minutes later there was a light knock on my door. i thought myself deluded and ignored it. another minute the knock persisted. i moved like a pre historic monster escaping the tar pits and opened the door. one of my guest house boyfriends was standing there with a tray of chai, one glass for me.
these are the things i will miss.
act of God
Monday, February 26, 2007
well it was an act of God
sorry to keep you all hanging. i know everyone wants to know about this performance. i still have a tired hangover from the event and would like to take a break, but have plunged back into class. there is so much to learn and so little time!!!!
the day of the performance was crazy. not just crazy, but really fucking crazy. let me back up a little. so we had a test run on this incrediable awful stage, if you read my last blog then you know that there was no way possible to dance...or at least dance well. thankfully that got taken care of. the support system was the same, tables on top of piles of rocks, but they got large sheets of ply-wood and put it on top of the rickity tables with carpet inbetween and then a weird felty astro turf on top of that. not my dream stage but tears fell a second time because i knew i could dance on it. biggest disaster avoided right? huh yeah right!
so i wake up on saturday and go to morning class, do a quick run through and the run home to shower and then run back to the studio to get ready. usually the skies are blue and the wind is still, typical rajastani weather, hot dessert stuff right? well the morning looked grim and felt windy, a little afternoon rain was on the bill, but we had faith that it would clear up.
i started getting ready at 1.30, we had a photo shoot schedualed for 4pm and then the show at 7pm. sounds like a mad amount of time yeah? but somehow time always runs out when you have 12 girls, maybe 5 mirrors, and only 1 Guruji to help us. everything in odissi dance is very spcific. the order of getting ready down to the shape of the eyebrows. i caught a little bit of shit for having dreadlocks, the ball (bun) on the back of my head was large, and Guruji spent several minutes twisting it around my head making as small as could be. odissi dancers just don't have dreadlocks, colleena had some for many years but fell to the pressure and finally got rid of them a year ago. the orissa dancers told me they were worried about what i would do with my hair, they don't like the dreads either. and of course while all the frantic getting ready is going on the wind is getting stronger and the rain starts falling. not a small light friendly rain, but more like the wind storm of the centruy with hard showers. a tarp was quickly thrown onto the stage, and people kept working, but i wondered how it would go. the school is open in parts of the wall and ceiling and rain was pouring in, there were no lights, and anything you set down blew across the room. the situation was so hopless that really we could only laugh at it. the weather was completely out of control, and so unusual for this time of year.
our photographer sucked. a point i am very sensetive to, and i unfortunatly didn't get to take as many photos as i wanted to. with the storm the light went fast and everyone was slow in getting ready.
the show was supposed to start at 7pm, at that time there was about 12 people in the audience (this was a free show). but with the rain and wind who can blame people for not coming out. so we are ready and we wait. wait for the storm to stop, (oh did i mention the lightning going on) and people to show up.
so we started about an hour and a half to two hours late. the people, bless their hearts, came, and they stayed even the show wasn't starting. the wind was so crazy strong i knew we would be blown off the stage, and as soon as colleena went out to give her speech the power died. all the power. the place was plunged into darkness, and the wind was still going (the rain stopped). it took another 10 mins to get the lights up, colleena gave her speech and i lined the dancers up on the side of the building. because of my height i find myself constantly in the front, and it was up to me to hit the music perfectly and lead the first dance out. i was around the side of the building, straining my ears. i couldn't hear anything because of the wind. i started to panic, and then i stopped. i focused and i listened. i heard what i was looking for and started the entrance for the dance. then it was the act of God. somewhere in the beginning of the dance the wind stopped, and the night became calm, and remained calm till the very end of the program, when it started to pour with a vengance.
my performance was that of a beginner. i gave it my best, but definitly came up short. i had no huge mistakes in the first number, but my skill level is not as good as i would like it to be. the stage, even though covered during the rain was soaked, and the lights were so bright i could hardly see where i was placing my feet. but i made it through with a smile on my face, and i didn't fall.
the second dance i was in, and the last of the night, was much more challanging. it is the last dance you learn as an odissi dancer, and it is considered "pure dance" because you are dancing for enlightenment. this shit was FAST, like really fast. i was on the other side of the stage, in the front, from where i had previously danced, and i was standing in an actuall puddle. there was tape under my feet that started lifting, and in the middle of my dance by bracelet flew off! i tried to idnore it, but i'm sure the "oh shit" look was aparent on my face. the bracelet didn't land far away from my feet and i started to sweat thinking in my head "please God don't let me step on it, don't let me step on it!". some wonderful person, i still don't know who, snuck up to the stage and pulled it out of my way, thankfully. after that i just had to keep up and keep smiling. all else seemed pretty well, but at the very end there is a crazy set of 5 turns. i find this normally to be a challange, and had only aced it about half the time in practice. the first three were good, but the puddle and the tape were messing me up and with the forth turn i knew i'd loss it if i did one more, so i tried to drag it out and stopped the same time the other dancers stopped. i thought it was better than eating shit on the stage, but it really bummed me out.
this show was broadcasted live on televison. there was literally hundreds of people that came. tv crews and newspapers snuck into our green room to interveiw us and were kicked out by the police. at the end of the show we came out onto the stage and the people went mad. the screamed, they cheered, the took crazy amounts of photos. the show was a sucess, we are now crazy rockstars in pushkar.
the next day all our friends from Orissa left early in the morning. getting to bed at 2am i got up at 8am and ran to see them off. the dancers want me to come and study in Orissa, the hub of Odissi dance, they don't like my locks but they like my dancing...so maybe next year.
now i can hardly make it through the market without at least 5 offers of chai. we were in 4 different news papers and on the front page of one. it was a crazy wonderful experience.
talking with the other girls, and the locals we all believe that the night really was magical, a miracle that everything pulled through. odissi dance in its original form was danced only in temples, for the gods, never for entertainment. that has changed but the dedication and sincerity of the dancers hasn't that much. and i think that was our saving grace. our devotion to this form, our sincerity, and the pure determination to bring this to the community, for free, really brought us through. ugh that's all. i'll post some pics soon!!!
well it was an act of God
sorry to keep you all hanging. i know everyone wants to know about this performance. i still have a tired hangover from the event and would like to take a break, but have plunged back into class. there is so much to learn and so little time!!!!
the day of the performance was crazy. not just crazy, but really fucking crazy. let me back up a little. so we had a test run on this incrediable awful stage, if you read my last blog then you know that there was no way possible to dance...or at least dance well. thankfully that got taken care of. the support system was the same, tables on top of piles of rocks, but they got large sheets of ply-wood and put it on top of the rickity tables with carpet inbetween and then a weird felty astro turf on top of that. not my dream stage but tears fell a second time because i knew i could dance on it. biggest disaster avoided right? huh yeah right!
so i wake up on saturday and go to morning class, do a quick run through and the run home to shower and then run back to the studio to get ready. usually the skies are blue and the wind is still, typical rajastani weather, hot dessert stuff right? well the morning looked grim and felt windy, a little afternoon rain was on the bill, but we had faith that it would clear up.
i started getting ready at 1.30, we had a photo shoot schedualed for 4pm and then the show at 7pm. sounds like a mad amount of time yeah? but somehow time always runs out when you have 12 girls, maybe 5 mirrors, and only 1 Guruji to help us. everything in odissi dance is very spcific. the order of getting ready down to the shape of the eyebrows. i caught a little bit of shit for having dreadlocks, the ball (bun) on the back of my head was large, and Guruji spent several minutes twisting it around my head making as small as could be. odissi dancers just don't have dreadlocks, colleena had some for many years but fell to the pressure and finally got rid of them a year ago. the orissa dancers told me they were worried about what i would do with my hair, they don't like the dreads either. and of course while all the frantic getting ready is going on the wind is getting stronger and the rain starts falling. not a small light friendly rain, but more like the wind storm of the centruy with hard showers. a tarp was quickly thrown onto the stage, and people kept working, but i wondered how it would go. the school is open in parts of the wall and ceiling and rain was pouring in, there were no lights, and anything you set down blew across the room. the situation was so hopless that really we could only laugh at it. the weather was completely out of control, and so unusual for this time of year.
our photographer sucked. a point i am very sensetive to, and i unfortunatly didn't get to take as many photos as i wanted to. with the storm the light went fast and everyone was slow in getting ready.
the show was supposed to start at 7pm, at that time there was about 12 people in the audience (this was a free show). but with the rain and wind who can blame people for not coming out. so we are ready and we wait. wait for the storm to stop, (oh did i mention the lightning going on) and people to show up.
so we started about an hour and a half to two hours late. the people, bless their hearts, came, and they stayed even the show wasn't starting. the wind was so crazy strong i knew we would be blown off the stage, and as soon as colleena went out to give her speech the power died. all the power. the place was plunged into darkness, and the wind was still going (the rain stopped). it took another 10 mins to get the lights up, colleena gave her speech and i lined the dancers up on the side of the building. because of my height i find myself constantly in the front, and it was up to me to hit the music perfectly and lead the first dance out. i was around the side of the building, straining my ears. i couldn't hear anything because of the wind. i started to panic, and then i stopped. i focused and i listened. i heard what i was looking for and started the entrance for the dance. then it was the act of God. somewhere in the beginning of the dance the wind stopped, and the night became calm, and remained calm till the very end of the program, when it started to pour with a vengance.
my performance was that of a beginner. i gave it my best, but definitly came up short. i had no huge mistakes in the first number, but my skill level is not as good as i would like it to be. the stage, even though covered during the rain was soaked, and the lights were so bright i could hardly see where i was placing my feet. but i made it through with a smile on my face, and i didn't fall.
the second dance i was in, and the last of the night, was much more challanging. it is the last dance you learn as an odissi dancer, and it is considered "pure dance" because you are dancing for enlightenment. this shit was FAST, like really fast. i was on the other side of the stage, in the front, from where i had previously danced, and i was standing in an actuall puddle. there was tape under my feet that started lifting, and in the middle of my dance by bracelet flew off! i tried to idnore it, but i'm sure the "oh shit" look was aparent on my face. the bracelet didn't land far away from my feet and i started to sweat thinking in my head "please God don't let me step on it, don't let me step on it!". some wonderful person, i still don't know who, snuck up to the stage and pulled it out of my way, thankfully. after that i just had to keep up and keep smiling. all else seemed pretty well, but at the very end there is a crazy set of 5 turns. i find this normally to be a challange, and had only aced it about half the time in practice. the first three were good, but the puddle and the tape were messing me up and with the forth turn i knew i'd loss it if i did one more, so i tried to drag it out and stopped the same time the other dancers stopped. i thought it was better than eating shit on the stage, but it really bummed me out.
this show was broadcasted live on televison. there was literally hundreds of people that came. tv crews and newspapers snuck into our green room to interveiw us and were kicked out by the police. at the end of the show we came out onto the stage and the people went mad. the screamed, they cheered, the took crazy amounts of photos. the show was a sucess, we are now crazy rockstars in pushkar.
the next day all our friends from Orissa left early in the morning. getting to bed at 2am i got up at 8am and ran to see them off. the dancers want me to come and study in Orissa, the hub of Odissi dance, they don't like my locks but they like my dancing...so maybe next year.
now i can hardly make it through the market without at least 5 offers of chai. we were in 4 different news papers and on the front page of one. it was a crazy wonderful experience.
talking with the other girls, and the locals we all believe that the night really was magical, a miracle that everything pulled through. odissi dance in its original form was danced only in temples, for the gods, never for entertainment. that has changed but the dedication and sincerity of the dancers hasn't that much. and i think that was our saving grace. our devotion to this form, our sincerity, and the pure determination to bring this to the community, for free, really brought us through. ugh that's all. i'll post some pics soon!!!
fear
Friday, February 23, 2007
last night we rehearsed on the "stage". i really can't wait to share photos. really the "stage" is a bunch of tables pushed together. they have rocks shoved under the feet where things don't match up. i feel like i am walking on a water bed the boards are so bouncy. then the legs are strapped together and there is a pad laid down and then a big white bed sheet, full of stains and holes.
i didn't mean to but i cried with the first run through. i mean we've been working on this show for months now, and then to put us on a stage like that, it really cancels out all the hard work. i say this without being a princess, really. i mean have you ever tried to spin on a bed sheet? okay maybe one girl, but how about 8 girls spread out spinning at the same time on the same sheet? little crazy, and when we stomp. bad. the vibrations from one girl rock those around her off balance. pure maddness.
they say they are going to do something about it, but what? this is an indian stage, welcome to india. this place still boggels my mind.
also we recieved our special costumes from Orissa. some how my "blue and silver" sari turned into a purple and cream...i feel like barney in it. this are of course the times that i have to let go. none of this is in my control. i will be happy when the program is done. but i fear the stage. i don't even feel like i can call it a stage. it is evil...
last night we rehearsed on the "stage". i really can't wait to share photos. really the "stage" is a bunch of tables pushed together. they have rocks shoved under the feet where things don't match up. i feel like i am walking on a water bed the boards are so bouncy. then the legs are strapped together and there is a pad laid down and then a big white bed sheet, full of stains and holes.
i didn't mean to but i cried with the first run through. i mean we've been working on this show for months now, and then to put us on a stage like that, it really cancels out all the hard work. i say this without being a princess, really. i mean have you ever tried to spin on a bed sheet? okay maybe one girl, but how about 8 girls spread out spinning at the same time on the same sheet? little crazy, and when we stomp. bad. the vibrations from one girl rock those around her off balance. pure maddness.
they say they are going to do something about it, but what? this is an indian stage, welcome to india. this place still boggels my mind.
also we recieved our special costumes from Orissa. some how my "blue and silver" sari turned into a purple and cream...i feel like barney in it. this are of course the times that i have to let go. none of this is in my control. i will be happy when the program is done. but i fear the stage. i don't even feel like i can call it a stage. it is evil...
two days
Thursday, February 22, 2007
two days
so the dancers and musicians arrived today from east india.
no more playing around, if what we've been doing is "playing around".
the energy is so crazy. the musicians are wonderful, the dancers are wonderful. i am constantly on the verge of puking my guts out because i'm so nervouse.
tonight we try on our costumes. tomorrow our Guru does a special puja for each dancer and our gungaroos. the next day we dance.
life is crazy. this energy and people are crazy. sometimes i feel as if i'm possesed. sometimes i find myself crying because i am so overwhelemed with the blessing poured onto me.
i can't wonder about the choices i've made, because they have all been the right ones. to be here, to be experience this, is so where i am supposed to be. listening to me people may think that i am exaggerating, or i am playing some sort of "spiritual quest" game, where i turn into a dirty hippy that's found enlightenment in india and will drop out of society. but really i've found something magical, and frightning.
i have invited something into my life that i will NEVER be able to live with out. it is like i've never breathed air before and for the first time i feel it in my lungs. i am afraid to leave it. afraid to remove this paradise from my life.
the clock is starting to wind down on me. wish me luck for the 24th.
two days
so the dancers and musicians arrived today from east india.
no more playing around, if what we've been doing is "playing around".
the energy is so crazy. the musicians are wonderful, the dancers are wonderful. i am constantly on the verge of puking my guts out because i'm so nervouse.
tonight we try on our costumes. tomorrow our Guru does a special puja for each dancer and our gungaroos. the next day we dance.
life is crazy. this energy and people are crazy. sometimes i feel as if i'm possesed. sometimes i find myself crying because i am so overwhelemed with the blessing poured onto me.
i can't wonder about the choices i've made, because they have all been the right ones. to be here, to be experience this, is so where i am supposed to be. listening to me people may think that i am exaggerating, or i am playing some sort of "spiritual quest" game, where i turn into a dirty hippy that's found enlightenment in india and will drop out of society. but really i've found something magical, and frightning.
i have invited something into my life that i will NEVER be able to live with out. it is like i've never breathed air before and for the first time i feel it in my lungs. i am afraid to leave it. afraid to remove this paradise from my life.
the clock is starting to wind down on me. wish me luck for the 24th.
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