the great escape

i have been trapped under a rock of everyday blahs.
it sucks.
get up, do what i did yesterday, work for others, blah blah blah...
my life is so amazing in so so so many ways.
but i obsess over my small failings like, why don't i have a boyfriend, why don't i own a house, why am i not perfect?

these are bullshit questions/concerns/failings, i see them for what they are.
i battle my discontent with overworking, under feeling. i tire myself out to tears, i am forgetting how to enjoy.
my time with what i am doing is coming close to up, and i am planning my great escape.
now those of you reading(god i hope there aren't any readers still) don't fret i won't be Harold and Maud-ing my way out of this life, but leaving indeed is on the mind.

i know that this is the right road because when i envision my plan my heart starts thumping, i get that jolt and chemical reaction as if i was falling in love, like the good love, not the lasts for 8 months of too much whiskey not enough talk wasted eye batting love.

i feel too excited to write about it, i like to keep my ideas secret while they're young and weak, give them time to grow, to become strong enough that they won't die when meet with the criticism of others.
this thought/idea is a flame to keep me warm with, to keep my heart from dying whilst i plan.

more to come!