DEATH...again

DEATH....again
i thought settling into pushkar would be like one near death experience and then life. i have been confined to my bed for the last three. actually it's not even my bed but sharing a bed with one of the other girls i now think of as "mamma kimberly, the walking dr".
i think as a person i am not equipped for india. i have never been so sick, so many times. this land likes to remind me how weak i really am.
with only 9 days till program i find myself hysterical. well trying not to be, but on the verge. my body has been telling me, more rest morerestmorerest! and i would go home dutifully and be in bed at a resonable hour, but lay awake until 2 3 am. so finally my big dumb lug of an animal gave up on me since i wasn't giving it the proper care. a stupid but essential part of life.
on a side note i find it rather humerous that one word i consistantly spell wrong (among the thousands) is stupid. i ALWAYS want to spell it stupied instead of stupid. then i have to laugh and remeber how stupid i look spelling stupied wrong!
so after 3 days in bed i opened a door and walked home. i felt like i was seeing india for the first time again. i had been reborn.
then an angle from alaska came to visit me bringning an mp3 player with tom waits new 3cd album on it. i was on fire. i listened to it all night long. it made my brain smoulder and burn all thoughts...there is just something about that man and his words, i always had a thing for words even if i never cared to spell them right.
my brain has been awakened. there was a moment that the hamster fell asleep at the wheel and fell into his cider bedding, but that little bastard is up and doing his sun salutations so the maddness will begain again soon.
i ran into my french poet again. the one from the beginning of the trip. i said a breif hello and have plans to meet with him later. how odd to wander and run into the same people two three times in a trip, in different countries no less.
i have missed 3 days of rehersal. i could chew off my arm i feel so anxious. there's nothing to heal the body like a good dose of anxiety...
but this is all part of theprocess. giving it up. i have really learned some depths in the soul/body relationship. i push and sometimes it folds, and when it folds i can't seem to tell why.
airplane limbo continues...i'm never coming home.