the road is never easy but always interesting

lately i have thought less of my trip, and more about distractions, boys being the specific distraction of the moment.
I mean I barely have time to work on anything, and when I hit a tough spot, dealing with some sponsors in Mexico (I'll write a blog on this), some workshops that were guaranteed money falling through, and just the overwhelemed-ness of the trip my mind turns off and turns to other things.
Boys.

I turn to boys, and really at my age I need a man.

Luckily the Universe has put some sort of safety device on me and I crash and burn before any sort of take off with these fellas.

I meet a nice, handsome, wonderful boy that turned out to really be a boy, a little young for me, an army veteran (weird), oh and a junkie...
Now those that know me know I love me an addict, I'm not sure why or how but I did have insight on this during two conversations yesterday. Basically addicts are really interesting, they've been there and back several times, they are quixotic and wild, they are like a drug to me and boy how I respond to their chaos.
And as much as I am responding to this boy and wanting to leap into that chaos I am older and hopefully wiser and am trying to purge him from my chemically swollen brain. Currently methadone is his girlfriend and I will not play second fiddle to that.

Then I had a long time yo-yo lover bite me in the ass by erasing me from his FB life and putting one of my tattoos into his new girlfriends tattoo.
Now who would do that?
I mean it is sick and twisted and hurtful in so many ways.
I have written him off forever.
I almost wrote to him to tell him of my eternal hate, but was talked down by those that love me that have a clearness in their heads.
Just walk away, stop playing the game they said, and yes is my response, I have, I just want to kick him in the balls one last time that fucker deserves my wrath.
But they were right and I did and I am comforted in the fact that he has to live his life and for that I do feel sorry for him, pathetic twisted creature that he is.

Wow so there was that rant, guess I'm a little angry still.

BUT the whole point was that the Universe in all its infinite wisdom is saying to me stop with this, if you keep coming at me I will send you curve ball after curve ball and we all know you can't hit. I have a road for you where you will be daily amazed, this is your duty, your destiny.
I never believed in predestination, but this may change me.

So on I go not scolded by the world but placed back on the path