not sure what day it is or whaaat?

okay so really i'm not sure what day it is, mmm thinking it's monday but just feeling so confused.

what did i tell you last? i think i was in kristina's village. well i think i was. anyway we caught a bus north, but we had to get out of her village, so we had to walk to the road and catch a public truck, the truck was large and packed with people, but because i am a forginer they gave me a seat. from the truck we jumped on a bus leaving at 10am, not bad, 2nd class AC thai bus, that means three people squish onto a 2 person seat. so i was squashed between kristina and some thai dude, and people just keep getting on and getting on. we made it to nong khai by 5pm, you do the math.
then from nong khai we catch a bus up to mike and AJ's village. this is a third class bus, so take what i said above and multiply the people by 10 and take away the ac. to add to that we had two monks get on...so they are thai equivalent of our old ladies, and women can't touch them. so it turned into a tuna squish fish circus act. we were in that bus for 1.5 hours, THEN we caught a 45min tuk-tuk up to the banks f the beautiful mekong. wow.
once we arrived there were four pretty drunk peace corps volunters...so we began to drink and drink and drink. we walked over to the bank of the mekong, drunk, with a full moon above our heads, and 2 of the boys jumped in. one was immediatly sucked down the river by an EXTREMELY strong currant, but no worries he was a big ass dude and made it back to the shore.
i was thinking about how nice it would be to swim in the mekong during a full moon, but as "big rob" was getting swept away i thought about the intestinal worms that are commen in water around these parts and kinda backed out.
after that we pretty much passed out. the next day brought PC girls that were crazy and started us drinking at 10am to gear up for the festival that night. i really can't remeber the last time i drank ALL day long, but wow these volunteers sure can party. so that was my day drinking. later at about 6pm we all went down to the river to wait for the fire balls blown by the dragon. now this is a natural occurance that happens every year at the full moon, no one really knows why it happens but it's been going on for years now.
the sun is setting and the mekong is smooth, there is a long boat filled with piles of half coconut shells that have been converted into candels. there is another boat we can see stationed further up the river from us. as it really begins to get dark monks are rowed out to the boat and they begin to light the candels and lt them go in the river. they do this becuse the fire balls need friends and encouragment to come up to the surface. this goes on for a little more than 2 hours. i am content to watch the beauty of it.
so no fire balls for our village. there were some seen about 30kms down the river but none for us. after a long day of drinking all i want to do is pass out, but as soon as i'm in bed i am wide awake.

i didn't sleep well. i got up the next day and we had to get back into town. with random luck there was a bangkok taxi in the village and he took us to the main road. from there we hitched a ride in the back of a truck and went to a small bus depo, from bus depo to nong khai where i had to wait three hours for a bus. the a 14hour overnight ride to rayoung, from rayoung a 4 hour ride to trat, (i'm on my own from nong khai on) from trat a truck ride to the peir, from truck to ferry, to another truck, to a road that went and went and went. and here i am...i am really tired but wanted to catch up.

after it taking so fucking long to get to this beautiful little island i think i will stay. once the exhaustion wears off i will be fine.

i am staying in a hut with no electricity, but the water at my front door, for about $3 a night. this is true hippy burn out land. i will write more later but it is time for me to go and relax.

oh next time i'll tell you about the monk on the bus...it was amazing!

where's waldo or the 7-11 jenga

so i'm really bummed out. i am having the worst time uploading photos here. i mean i uploaded them to kristina's computer, but they are to large to load onto my photobucket site. i don't think kristina has a program to resize them, and anyways she needs her computer for law school applications, so i don't have a lot of time to be taking it from her.
we've come into town today specifically to use the internet and the two things i need to do i am unable to...pooo. well i'll figure it out.
this whole week or almost week has been very mellow. i have been living the semi village life, full of bugs and water that will shut off at any moment and refuse to turn back on. it rained the first few days here, heavy and long keeping us indoor, but actually we have been in door by choice as well. kristina has a lot on her plate, but we spend time getting to know each other again. we have been friends for about 20yrs now and she described me as the "where's waldo" of her life. for the majority of the important events i was there, lost in the crowd amongst all her friends, continously sticking out because i am not like her or any of her friends. it's funny i've been described as a lot of things...a few of my favorites are "5 feet of heaven", "dreadlocked aphrodite", and "creative maniac", so i don't really know how to wear the "where's waldo description.

as i mentioned there are more than a few bugs out here in the sticks, in fact there was a flying walking stick like creature that pearched on our door the other night wanting to pop in for a bit of chang beer. there is also of course the flying roaches in plentatude, jumping spiders, geckos from the size of my little finger to the size of small children, ants, and millipeds or centepieds (yeah i know my spellings fucked). all of these wonderful creepy crawlies has lead me to the revalation that i don't think ugly things should be capable of flight. it just doesn't seem fair. i mean let's forget about poverty, famin, and terrorism, let's get down to the real travisties of the world...nothing ugly should fly. yup. that's now my mission in life, if you are an ugly scary creature you will be grounded, so that i can squish you, or at least jump onto some furniture and be safe from you.

i don't know if i shared you this with you yet but i found out that the thai have one setting for AC, and that is blizzard. everytime i walk in somewhere that has the ac on i begin to shiver befor the sweat has actually dried and it is a comfort to get back out to the stiffiling humidity. it is no wonder thai's are so small, i think anything would shrink in this kind of heat! i am beginning to deal with it, and the rain has brought a little bit of relief. i have learned to coat my entire body with powder after a shower, and this helps to keep me cool, and soakes up a little sweat when it does start. so little tricks here and there. i stupidly waited on buying bug spray, and have recieved more bites in the last week or so than i have in my entire life. i am now religiously coating myself yet am still being bitten. this morning i woke up with a huge welt on my wrist, actually it looks as if i have no wrist at the moment just a hand attached to a forearm. very very cute i assure you. it is a fashion i want to bring back to the states.

i took a walk through the village this morning befor we caught the bus so that i could photograph the area, and while walking down the road i was not only followed and viciously inspected by a small black poodle, but i was chase by a cow.
yup. in hindsite i think it was trying to play with me. so i'm walking and there's this young cow, it is what i think is called a brahma cow, or the kind you see being worshiped in india, it is a baby but it is big. it's head stands a few inches above mine, no horns thankfully, and then it has a cow body behind it with a lot of extra skin. it's chilling mooing by the side of the road and i go over to take it's picture. like the little kid on swiss family robinson i'm like "come here little cow i won't hurt you"...i get closer and closer, about 2 feet away, and it shy's back from me, i take my picture and back away. as soon as i turn my back to it the cow runs out of the bushes towards me. i spin around to face it and the cow stops, he jumps back, and then advances. we actually bad a full circle in the middle of the road because i wanted to pass him, and he wanted to kill me. everytime i turned my back he came towards me, and when i turned around he stepped back, but then would begin to advance. i thought about a nepali lady that had been gored by a water buffalo in town and was thankful once again that this baby didn't have horns. i did end up passing him, and i'm sure i put on a good show for the villagers but it was a little scary because he was so big. i did have to walk back that way, and when he saw me coming he began to run towards me kicking up his heels and bouncing like a funny dog. i keep my wide stance from him, and luckily he didn't cross the road to see me.

so i thought america had a lot of starbucks, like 2 on one block in some areas, that is nothing compared to the amount of 7-11's that can be found here in thailand. i think i even saw a 7-11 next door to another 7-11...just kidding but it is that bad. kristina has a theory about the 7-11's in thailand being like pieces of the game jenga. now i've never played this game so it's a little hard for me to fully visulize, but i liked the metaphor and thought i'd pass it on. so now i make it a point to frequent these 7-11's because if one is shut down that the whole economy of thailand may collapse and i really don't want that on my head.

this is a lot for today, tomorrow i load up on a bus and head north to nong khai...

FYI or more words about nothing

so i found out in my settings that i can open comments to everyone, so you don't need to join this site to post a comment about my blog, sorry if you are already a member!
thank you for those that do comment, and that you are NOT commenting on my bad spelling and grammer, i am so over it!but i can't seem to answer to the comments, i'm probably just being slow, or lazy, but yeah. send me email's too, i love emails!

i love that people are actually reading it and responding, it makes it a little more nerve racking now knowing that you know about my close encounters with a thai massage lady, although that story was pretty PC.

my adventure since i last wrote was basically i set out to go one place and never made it. i walked and walked and walked and walked and NEW i was going the wrong way, but was unwilling to turn around. i walked by the government house and the tanks are gone, too bad no photos. i recieved cat calls from a truck full of thai military men, which made me laugh because i am definitly not looking hot in a good way right now. more like hot in a wear you pj's outside and sweat hot.

i did buy a new outfit today! of yeah spent about $5 bucks on it, things are so fucking cheap here!

i walked through a food stand where they were selling some sort of beetle to eat, deep fried crabs, and what looked to be a meat stuffed pigs foot.

the heat, the meat, the smell, and the press of the people made me want to scream, but i just pushed through. in this country i'm a big woman. they are so aware of size here, and although i haven't yet been told i'm fat i'm waiting for it. it won't bother me because i confident about my body and am actually at my lightest weight in like 13 yrs, amazing what a break up, and living with a wonderful cook can do for you!

oh the food here is killer but it is no soy cooking that is fur sure!

no more deep thoughts for now.

it takes 2 to tango or jumped by da roaches

so i really haven't been doing much sight seeing the past few days, mostly just reconnecting with a childhood friend. my friend kristina whom i have known now for almost 20 yrs lives here in thailand, i think i've said this already but it is my blog so deal with it!!

yeah, so we've known each other for a long time, but it is so strange, we just decided that if we just met randomly now we would never be friends. we are like night and day, it is amazing that we can stand each others company, but somehow it works. she is off taking her lsat's right now and dreaming of law school and working with prision reform, while i am working at clearing my mind of everything i've ever known.
we have played it cool the past two days and been light in conversation so she is fully prepaired for her test, but after this it's on. we will do are favorite activity of drinking red wine, or home brewed thai whiskey, and talking shit...deep down dirty shit. we've started in the past few days but always cut it off. it is to heavy to talk about life, love, religion, spirituality, and the pursuit of fullfilment this close to a big test.

so in part of the relaxation process we went to get a massage together. the only time i ever recieved a massage was after a car accident, and those were short and not that often, so i didn't really know what to expect. then yesterday we went and had an hour hot oil massage. as i understand it this is different then traditional thai massage because it is more about making the muscles loose, and not about making the joints flexable. i've had neither so i was down for the expereince.

right. so when they say full body massage they are not kidding! they mean back, neck, shoulders, arms, butt, stomach, breasts. i think the only thing they didn't massage was basically my labia. yup you read it right. everything but the labia, even my crack got a little action, suprise! when they were massaging my ass i felt like i was really there for a wedgie removal, little on the ticklish side!i think i saw more action from theses thai ladies than i have in the past few months. i really felt like i needed to send her flowers or take her out for dinner after that massage.


kristina and i had to wear paper hats and paper panties and we were put in a room together divided by a curtain, i felt like we were going into surgery with only a blanket over me and the AC set to blizzard. i told her i thought we were really going to swap out kidneys or have babies together and they would be wheeling us out shortly. but no i was wrong, thank god. but because we were friends they threw back the curtain so we could share this naked, semi invasive experience with each other. nothing like seeing your childhood hood friend flat on her back in onlt a paper hat and pannies. i don't know what they though, that we could talk while we got massaged.

i thought my lady was going to kill me, she looked like a nice young grandmother with glasses and bright pink lipstick, but she was definitly no softy!
half an hour into it i didn't know if i liked it or wanted to go home i don't really think i had a choice at that moment so hung in there, in the end it was good. i found it really hard to take direction from a lady when we don't speak the same language so it was like what, turn over? what spread my legs wider? what are you trying to do to me?? kristina was there with some interpretation skills, but mostly i was left on my own. i think she wanted to protect me from the comments they were making about our bodies. the women were both really into my tattoos, and were not shy about pushing me around to get a better look at them.
my iron fisted grandma did however suprise me at the end as she was washing the oil of my body, she smiled so sweetly and grabbed my breast and said, "oh very nice little pink nipples" i was like, oh shit the broad does speak english. then she laughed and left the room. i had to double check with my partner in crime if i had heard right, oh yeah i did. she turned her head so as not to witness the gropping of the breast, but the words where there. oddly enough i fely quite please, perhaps a little violated, but more just shocked and amused at the situation.
it reminded me of one of those embarassing grandma stories when girls are just getting boobs. i never had one of those to share, but now i have this.


later that night we hung out at peace corps office and ordered in pizza and watched movies, i felt like i was in america. not that i'm missing america yet, but i'm down to do whatever on this trip.
the walk home was a different story. it was semi late, 10pm! goodbye jetlag, and there was heat lightning in the sky, something i kept stopping to watch and then having to run and catch up with kristina and emily, another volunteer. so as i'm running i am suddenly hit by what i think is a falling leaf. oh if only i had kept that preciouse thought in my mind...yes a beautiful hard brown leaf drifting on the wind during a storm of heat lightning. it's when the leaf hit my arm and stuck that i thought i might be in trouble.
i took my left hand to brush away at the "leaf" stuck to my upper right arm, and hit resistance. a hard segmented brown body was clinging to my arm. i hit harder and it was flung against a near by wall, all in a flutter. oh yeah big daddy cockroach coming to say hi. i didn't scream but was overwhelemed by what is commenly known as the heebe-jeebes. i looked at the fluttering roach on the wall and looked at the ground as another one darted for my foot. like a roach sixth sense they knew to come after me.
so i did a wild interpritive dance that anyone trying to conjure up spirits, or get rid of a roach attack would be proud of. of course i ran myself rather close to the street, and thought that by throwing myself in front of a tuk-tuk at least the fear and the heebee-jeebees would be gone. but my body reactions, that are much better than my mind reactions, stopped me from commiting such a foolish act, but i remained jumpy the rest of the way home.

so tonight i say good bye to bagkok for a couple of weeks. which is good. i've written a lot but not thought as much as i would like to. i feel myself unwinding, and know i'll be able to think soon. so far i am to busy, bangkok is to busy, and i love this kind of visual stimmulation. it shuts everything else out.

i am reading the alchemist over and over again and finding something new everytime i read it. i am making plans for the next few weeks, but i am working on being quiet, on being not planned out, working on being here with the people and the heat, and the smells(which are killing me!).
it is such an amazing place i am, and not just in a physical sense.

i am still promising pictures, because i already have a ton...just not the capability to upload them.

it is early yet today so i'm off to explore.

farang in paradise or how a gecko almost killed me

alright so i've made contact with kristina.i meet her at a random 7-11 cross town. i had to show the tuk tuk driver the spelling of the area, because i am a farang and i can't speak thai. the driver was crazy... oh well let me back up.

my jet lag is still alive and well.i woke up at 2am again and was so full of energy i danced around my room with my ipod. silly yes, but i was alone, and while writing blogs i really don't feel like anyone is reading them. so yeah dancing around the room till the ipod dies, and it always does because the battery sucks.

so i need to pee. i sneek out in the hall in my wrap and almost step on a little gecko, poor little yellow guy. it reminds me of sleepiing in a hut in hawaii and getting bit by a cockroach, and then the gecko's came out and protected me. well no bad bugs so far but it is always comforting to see geckos. so i side step the little guy, who doesn't move, and go into a bathroom stall. of course on the floor is something small that moves WAY to fast...i do a little scardy cat dance backwards into the main bathroom. yeah just another gecko. little bastard gave me a heart attack...

then it's finally 7am and i go the the bar/cafe next door. i am the only one having breakfast, and am placed between two tables with european men and thai women. they are drunk and all over eachother and talk constantly about sex. i want to talk to these girls and get the low down on what they really think. kristina was telling me it's all about the money. that when they go to get married there is a dowery that starts at one million baht, so like uh $25,000 i think....i took her word for it and didn't do the math.

then this guy turns to me and ignors his thai chicks, he has two, and tells me a depressing story of living in thailand for two years and losing his thai wife and children somehow, and his brother was murdered in london and he is going home. poor guy i don't blame him for being drunk. i said some really useless bullshit and ran off to catch a ride.

so yeah my tuk tuk driver was so funny. when i told him where i wanted to go he didn't understand me, so he calls all his friends over and they don't understand me, so i show them the name written down. it takes a couple of minutes and they start laughing and being thai men, and i get in the tuk tuk. this guy is crazy, he has an infectious and constant laugh, he's swearving in and out of oncoming traffic, shooting several snot rockets along they way, like a trail of crumbs to follow back. he chats with me incesently and then laughs. i can't help but laugh but more at the situation than anything else.

so i meet kristina, a little thai lady helps me dial they pay phone because i'm obviously a farang, or non thai, and therefor disabled.

nothing much more exciting for the day, it's past four and i'm still awake! kristina takes her LSAT on sunday, and we are going for a two hour oil massage tomorrow, and she has promised to go to a pingpong ball show with me in the red light, but i think it will wait till next time we are in bangkok...

it is so fun to meet up with her here. peace corps is paying for our room so we have AC and our own bathroom. oh yeah living the life.

so that's it for now, i'll be headed north on sunday night, headed for the boarder of loas and thailand. kristina told her village about me. told them i sold everything and a looking for the meaning of life, they want me to study meditation at their temple, so we'll see how it goes.

so wat po or water in the face

okay so as not to pass out here i am writing another blog. i skipped my afternoon beer and had some ice cream instead, cold and sweet, but a little too sweet.

so after i left you i headed out for wat po, wat po houses one of the largest sleeping buddhas in the world. wow. i mean WOW! it has to be one of the most amazing things ever. i am probably the size of one of his fingers. he looks so lovely too. i hate the fact that christ was strung up and tortured then he ascended into heaven. buddha, yeah he was happy and just feel asleep. i've seen so many different buddhas the past few days and some of them are so handsome, their faces so sweet and loving, eyes half slitted, i think i have eyes like a buddha. people always thought i was stoned, but i was really in a state of nirvana! ha!

so i ended up taking a motorcycle taxi to wat po, something i didn't entend on doing, especially because my hair wouldn't fit under a helmet. so there i am sitting on a bike, no helmet behind a thai man that is roughly my size. now traffic here isn't as bad as say nepal, but it's still pretty fucking crazy.
yeah so i'm trying to be cool and not clutch at the poor man for my dear life, i use one hand to hold him and one on the seat behind me, finally i'm brave enough for both hands behind me, but clamp my thighs as tight as they can get. i just remeber him swearving into oncoming traffic to get around a traffic jam and knowing this could be my last breath. oh yeah it was a thrill ride. so he got me there safe and sound, that's that.

i went in and had my religious experience and then of course someone starts talking to me, and damn you mom and dad for raising me to be polite, because i have to talk back. so he wants to lead me of somewhere and show me something, so i go. duh. so he takes me to this house on the grounds where a monk is living, the guy invites me in and ties a holy charm around my wrist, he says a prayer as he does it and has me kneel and then starts shaking this branch like stick full of water at me. it of course hits me straight on in the face, and my poor holga is in my lap, so i lean forward to protect it, and get more water. he then wants to sell me grossly priced amulets and asks a donation for his blessing.

that's one thing i will never get over, be it eastern or western, religious people that are in it for something other than fulfilment. i mean i've seen it before in my travels where babas come up and bless you and then want money, and it happened again today, but i mean come on, blessings should be free. it just urks me when people use spirituality for material gain.

okay give me a minute to get off my high horse. much better. so i don't know bangkok that well, but i can already tell it's missing a good park. what i wouldn't give to stretch out on the grass about now. so much hustle and bustle and no beautiful down time, but soon. yes very soon.

left at the alter or jetlag really blows

it is 10 am on thursday morning here in the backpackers row of bangkok, and i can't tell you how fucking glad i am it's morning.

yesterday i started early with my siteseeing, temples and temples and buddhas and buddhas. just me and my trusty tuk-tuk driver that made me go to tourist traps so he could get free cards for petrol. i was getting high on desil fumes, and thought i found nirvana for a moment but was wrong, it was just bad air quality.

so it was some sort of special day yesterday, everyone was wearing a gold shirt. i heard different stories, some said it was the standing buddhas birthday...others that it was a special buddhist holiday, but the temples were free and the tuk tuks were cheap so i didn't care. at my 2nd to last temple my driver dropped me off, said he'd be waiting outside for me...now i'm slow. i like to wander first, wander again and photograph, and right now i am so full of happiness and the blessings in my life i like to plop down with the other devoties and thank whatever it is out there for these blessings. so yeah it took me awhile, i didn't even know where i was but it was beautiful. so low and behold when i went outside my trusty driver was gone.
i waited awhile, bought some water, walked up and down the street, around the corner. nope he was gone, i felt so jilted. i had no idea where i was, and i haddn't even paid him. oh well, i just started walking and eventually found the backpacker burn out row i'm staying on.

the humidity is unbelievable here, it is like living life in a sauna, i am slick with sunblock and constantly rosy in the cheeks, i am a virtual mess. the heat makes me tired and i don't feel hungry until my head is fuzzy, my belly tells me nothing these days. so i grab an outdoor seat close to my place and eat a plate of veggie pad thai for something silly like 50 cents, then i get a beer because it is so so hot out. of course after the beer i'm ready for a nap, just a short one right? yeah i go to bed at like 3ish and wake up at midnight...god damn jet lag.
there are people up and rowdy on the streets all night long, but somehow i don't really think i want their company. so i shower and wash my dreads, then i lay there for about 8hrs. so yeah i'm really glad it's morning.

i have plans for today, but will tell you when they are done. i meet up with kristina, a childhood friend of mine, tomorrow at 9 am, then we will see what happens. sorry i haven't been able to post any pictures, i've been taking lots...just haven't found a place to load them on the computer yet.

and just a note to everyone that has helped me with this trip, you guys are the best! i've been contemplating my break up and the saddness that really pushed me out the door to this trip, and i am so thankful for all of it. i am at such an amazing place in my life, a world full of prospects and directions ahead of me. directions that weren't there even a month ago. i have so much to still learn about myself, and i think we are constantly learning, but i was content and let my self mold. now i'm in motion and motion feels good. i love movement i love change, as scary as it may be. i love watching myself progress, it amazes me, it is something like life that i cannot control but i can direct, or at least try to direct.

okay enough already..,i'll post pictures when i can. just a few more days in bangkok so send me emails now, otherwise i don't know when i will be able to read them.

the chicken suit has landed

okay so i made it, it's humid as hell, i've been in transit for 24 hrs, the letters are rubbed off of the keys, and as most of you know i'm a really bad speller....so have mercy on me when you read my posts.

that said. YES! i made it. i was on an airplane for so long i was begining to forget where i was going and what i was doing.

i think solitary travel, especially solitary transit time is set up to mess with your head. the less i speak the more i forget how to speak, and then when i have to i become dumd almost like i'm unable to. i had so much time getting here that i think i wrote 20 pages in my travel journal. i will share the highlights with you.

i think the best part was my neighbor on the 13.5 hr plane ride. very tall large 66 yr old man that was going deaf, and had a bad sense of humor. he was on his way to vietname for a girlfriend, but he had several lined up just in case one didn't work out. i learned this even before we got off the ground. he kept yelling at the flight attendents, and told me he doesn't like american women, and why at 29 have i never been married? right, lots of fun. he was into the asian women because they were subserviante, good with business, and didn't mind ugly old white men.i pretended i was asleep for most of the ride. fortunatly we parted ways in taipai and i'm sure he's making some poor womans life hell right now.

nothing much more happened until i landed, i was swept up with two other americans and an israli sharing a cab to the main tourist spot, this place is like telegraph on crack and all i've managed to do is get a room, and find the internet.i'm a little put out because i need to remeber to act differently here. that means no eye contact with strange men when i'm walking alone. it's such a drag, but other wise they think it's a pick up. i know this yet forget this about traveling alone, at least this will be a good warm up to india.

so today is tuesday for me, and i will be meeting with kristina on friday, so plenty of time to kick around town. the weather feels like i am sitting in a sauna, becky you would hate it!
hmmm not much more for you yet, just wanted to make sure everyone knew i was here!

military coup

so i heard last night that there was a military coup in thailand, bummer. there are the typical travel advisories like, " americans don't leave your country!" but i've noticed that america really doesn't encourage it's people to go out and see the world.
but as of yet my plans are still the same, i will just have to be a little more cautious, no big deal.
i mean really what's a military coup between a few friends, right?

so much to do still...

tuesday morning. the cat needs food, i still have freelance work to turn in, 3 more full long days of work, film to process, india's embassy to visit, family/friends to see. and oh yeah i still need to pack my house up. oops! so muh to do, but first things first let my start my travel blog! i leave in 5 days...wow. hahahah i can't really believe i'm doing this.

so many reasons why i'm doing this, but no time for that now, now i need to get some shit together!